Living on the edge

I can’t get out of the bed.  I would sleep 24 hours a day.  I feel tired all the time and I can’t understand why.  My mind is slowly falling apart,  my feelings  don’t exist anymore or they are hidden inside of me.  I don’t know what I want, I get scared by stupid things and sometimes I just want to give up.

During school I had this constant idea (or hope) that when the summer comes,  I will do a lot of productive and fun things.  I said to myself that after the exams I will have the time of my life. The biggest lie.  I’m losing a close friend, I say mean things  to people and I have  weird reactions.   I can change my mood immediately.  I hate myself  for  that.  It’s true, change is part of our nature, but I can’t stand this anymore.  I'm lovely and in the next minute I’m a pain in the ass.

Oh, and the laziness. So much of it. I have to do a lot of things, such as writing articles for my future blog, working at my current projects and…interract with  people.  The last one seems a burden for me.   People want to see me, to congratulate me for my success. “ Of courseee, I’m dying to see you too”. And then I just forget about them. 

Actually, I forget about a lot of things.  My mind is sharp, but not these days. I feel like my brain is melting or something. Today I had a blackout. I couldn’t remember the name of the place where my grandparents were born.  I was hesitating between two options (pretty similar). Also, I don’t know exactly how old are they.    But  one thing I know for sure: they are septuagenarians.

Ignorance is the key to happiness.  Unfortunately,  I can’t ignore things  no matter how much I want. I have to think about everything,  remember stuff, face the facts.   I want to be alone.  In my room.  With nobody out there.   Nobody to ask me favours, to question me, tu put me through different situations.  But I can’t be that selfish.

I’m a chatty person- I’m quiet as a mouse.

I’m  full of life- I feel empty.

I'm determinated- I’m lost. 

I tell the truth- I lie.

I'm panicked- I’m calm.

Conclusion? I’m a wreck.

  

Don’t take this article too serious.  Tomorrow I might change .