I can’t get
out of the bed. I would sleep 24 hours a
day. I feel tired all the time and I can’t
understand why. My mind is slowly
falling apart, my feelings don’t exist anymore or they are hidden inside of me. I don’t know what I want, I get scared by
stupid things and sometimes I just want to give up.
During
school I had this constant idea (or hope) that when the summer comes, I will do a lot of productive and fun
things. I said to myself that after the exams
I will have the time of my life. The biggest lie. I’m losing a close friend, I say mean things to people and I have weird reactions. I can
change my mood immediately. I
hate myself for that. It’s
true, change is part of our nature, but I can’t stand this anymore. I'm lovely and in the
next minute I’m a pain in the ass.
Oh, and the
laziness. So much of it. I have to do a lot of things, such as
writing articles for my future blog, working at my current projects and…interract with people. The last one seems a burden for me. People
want to see me, to congratulate me for my success. “ Of courseee, I’m dying to
see you too”. And then I just forget about them.
Actually, I
forget about a lot of things. My mind is sharp, but not these days. I feel like my brain is melting or something.
Today I had a blackout. I couldn’t remember the name of the place where my
grandparents were born. I was hesitating
between two options (pretty similar). Also, I don’t know exactly how old are they. But one thing I know for sure: they are septuagenarians.
Ignorance
is the key to happiness. Unfortunately, I can’t ignore things no matter how much I want.
I have to think about everything,
remember stuff, face the facts.
I want to be alone. In my
room. With nobody out there. Nobody to ask me favours, to question me, tu
put me through different situations. But I can’t
be that selfish.
I’m a chatty
person- I’m quiet as a mouse.
I’m full of life- I feel empty.
I'm determinated- I’m lost.
I tell the
truth- I lie.
I'm panicked- I’m
calm.
Conclusion?
I’m a wreck.
Don’t take this article too serious. Tomorrow I might change .